My weekly indulgence

can you see him?

can you see him?

My rant

It’s strange how we in the richer countries are now asking ourselves. Why is everything made in china? Take Australia, years ago in stores you would have had no problem finding the Aussie brand at eye level. Now the Aussie is on the bottom self, if you can find it at all. Sure big companies sold out. The reason the did that more than likely was because the shelves where being flooded with imports that where slightly cheaper and we the consumer could not wait to dive in and save a dollar or two, who cares if the quality was not that great, its cheap right?
We have ourselves to blame for not buying established Australian brand when they where in the stores. Now that most of the brands are gone we are complaining that there’s nothing on the self apart from imports.We need to start buying home made products, pay the extra dollar its worth it. Do you want to buy fish (catfish) from Vietnam or support our fisheries and know where fish comes from? It’s not only fish or even food. Next time you are buying clothes look for the Australian product, good hunting. I am not anti imports we do need them but not if it destroys the local market. We have become too reliant on imports there is a balance. This is a worldwide issue. China Japan Thailand and Vietnam have become our factories and very cheap for now. Will it last?

Let's take things literally!!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Stop horsing around

Double standards at its best

Rant

Me My Mine

Sounds self-indulgent? Well yes it is and why not, its not like I do this all the time. Is it? Every now and then you should think about yourself first. It just makes sense to look out for number one. Take fire fighters for example, it’s the first thing they are taught is their own safety, after all they are of no help to anyone if they don’t look after their own wellbeing first. So watch out for ‘ME’

This is my life, such as it is, it’s certainly not the life I wanted or expected. How many people started out in life wanting a certain kind of life but have settled for another? Most people I imagine. So a little my time should be put aside just like savings. You will need it one day.

It’s Mine’ Ok that sounds selfish. The truth is it is not. People assume you want to share should get a shock occasionally. How often have you had to go without or had to share just to keep the peace. I say let them jump up and down a bit. It’s your life first. Your health, your wellbeing Take a little me, my mine. Then you will get the respect love and gratitude you deserve

snow?

The first snow

Ok so it was only a little bit of snow

enough said lol

Aborignal art

This is the only thing I was allowed to take a picture/video of at the Aboriginal culture display at the Melbourne Museum , that's okay by me.

The Royal Exhibition buildings Carlton

I am glad they put this on the heritage listing before developers could get to it.

Double standards

The smoking debate continues here in Australia. At the end of this month ’June’ it
Will be illegal to smoke in clubs or bars in Victoria, I applaud this. If it helps people quit this habit it is a good thing. My only concern is the double standards of this legislation. Why is it the crown casino is permitted to continue letting people smoke in it’s mahogany room? Is it once again one rule for the affluent and one for the poor?

The staff working there must be pleased that they will get ill from a richer class of smoke. And what about the cigar clubs in Melbourne? According to a spokesperson for QUIT those workers would be at risk of getting second hand smoke related illnesses, That hardly makes sense to me.

A week in the life

Okay Monday morning was like any other morning. Woke up to a cup of tea with honey (50+ heart starter) and toast. Did not feel much like getting up. I decided to bite the bullet and get a new computer or at least dip my toes into that world. Spent almost an hour with my archenemy, my disability care people. I had quick lunch of fish and chips with my brother. A hello to patty. And that’s about it really.

Tuesday…. Well a wasted day really I played on the computer and chatted a little. I had lots of calls to make, I like to let them accumulate then get them all done at once. Thought I was going out for dinner but I had the days mixed up, so its lamb roast and baked spuds with salad ‘maybe a cardboard red’ then T.V.

Wednesday. Looking forward to a massage today my shoulder is giving me grief. Tonight it’s off to the local for dinner the food is country style. (I knew it was a weekday but forgot when). They have just put in a large open fire I love it. Warm feet cold beer can’t argue with that

Thursday: Saw that rain had almost stopped up north, bugger we need much more. I went to the DVD store found a couple of older movies, and then over to the library it’s a small but relaxing place. I managed to find some easy reading. And I was online again (big shock)

Friday: Well I did warn you I lead a very boring life. Woke up in the middle of the night so guess who’s a bit grumpy? I would be happy top do nothing today and so far I have accomplished just that. I had an idea I might lounge in the sunroom and read the midweek age. I hope to watch Essendon beat the west coast eagles ‘I live in hope’ lol

Saturday. Well they did it, (I never had a doubt ha) they won by a point that is two weeks in a row. I’m not sure I can stand these close games, lucky for me I just happened to have a few Irish larger’s on hand. Nothing planned for today.

Sunday. A day spent with some of the family ‘you know what that’s like’ its all good lol

funnies

1. This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?

Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.

Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.

Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.

Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.

Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.

Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em.

Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass!

Radio Silence



2.A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."



3.A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"


4.

This fella goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"

The doctor said "put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."

The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says "Drop your pants."

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put a different cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?"

The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

interesting

• Melbourne is the only city in the world that has five international standard sporting facilities (including three with retractable roofs) on the fringe of its central business district.
  
  
• Each year Melbourne plays host to tens of thousands of interstate and overseas visitors who come to see the Australian Open Tennis Championships, the Australian Grand Prix, the Australian 500CC Motorcycle Grand Prix, Spring Racing Carnival, the Australian Football League Grand Final and many more special events.
  
  
• Melbourne is home to eight of Australia's top ten spenders on research and development (R&D) including Australia's largest, Telstra and Ericsson. In addition, Melbourne boasts Ericsson's 42nd Precinct, one of only three Ericsson R&D centres in the world.
  
  
• Melbourne's famous tramway system is the largest outside the European continent and the fourth largest in the world. It stretches along 244 kilometres (152 miles) of track, and has 450 trams.
  
  
• Melbourne is the eighth largest telecommunications market in the world - making Melbourne one of the best wired cities globally - broadband infrastructure is located within 100 metres (328 feet) of every office building in the central business district.
  
  
• Melbourne's scientists have been pivotal in the development of the world's most innovative biotechnology breakthroughs including Relenza, Relaxin and the bionic ear, which has provided hearing to 20,000 profoundly or totally deaf people in over 55 countries.
  
  
• Melbourne was the largest city in Australia at the time of Federation (1901) and as such became the nation's interim capital and home of Federal Parliament from 1901-1927.
  
  
• In 1856 a group of Melbourne workers, mostly stonemasons, won an eight-hour day from their employers. This was a world first, and is celebrated with a public holiday in Victoria.
  
  
• Australia has held the Commonwealth Games on three previous occasions: 1938 in Sydney, 1962 in Perth, and 1982 in Brisbane.
  
  
• The Welcome Stranger - the world's largest alluvial gold nugget weighing approximately 70 kilograms (154.3 pounds) - was discovered in Ballarat, (one hour's drive from Melbourne) in 1869.
  
  
• The National Gallery of Victoria has the world's largest stained glass ceiling - 51 metres (167.3 feet) long by 15 metres (49.2 feet) wide.
  
  
• The Story of the Ned Kelly Gang, made in Melbourne in 1906, is recognised as the world's first feature film, running to five reels.
  
  
• One of the world's earliest feature-length films - Soldiers of the Cross - was made in 1900 in Melbourne by Salvation Army leader, General Booth.
  
  
• In 1869, the largest fully-steerable telescope the world had ever seen was installed at the Melbourne Observatory. Known as the Great Melbourne Telescope, the device boasted a reflector of 122 centimetres (48 inches).
  
  
• Luna Park, in Melbourne's bayside suburb of St Kilda, is the world's oldest amusement park under private management.
  
  
• Melbourne's Observation Deck is in the Rialto, the tallest office building in the Southern Hemisphere. It stands on 75 huge concrete caissons (legs) attached to rock 20m (66 feet) below the ground.
  
  
• The spire on top of the Victorian Arts Centre reaches 115 metres (377 feet) into the air. It has: 6,600 metres (21,654 feet) of fibre optic tubing in and around the spire; 17,700 metres (58,071 feet) of power and control cables; 14,000 incandescent lamps on the skirt of the spire, 150 metres (492 feet) of neon tubing on the mast; 496 computer control devices which manipulate the colours and movement of the lights.
  
  
• The Melbourne-made television soap opera Neighbours recorded its 4,000th episode in May 2002. It screens in 57 different countries to an average daily audience of 120 million viewers. Since it began in 1985 the show has had 18 marriages, 11 deaths and six births.

interesting to me only ?

Sister Cities

Melbourne has seven sister cities around the world.

The Sister Cities programme aims to promote Melbourne’s international profile, particularly in the Asia Pacific region, supporting exchanges in business, tourism, education, culture and sport and promoting tolerance, understanding and friendship.

The cities are Osaka in Japan (our first, back in 1978); Tianjin in the People's Republic of China; Thessaloniki in Greece; Boston in the USA; Saint Petersburg in Russia; Milan in Italy and Galle, Sri Lanka (after the 2004 tsunami disaster Melbourne adopted Galle in order to fund the reconstruction of its cricket ground).

fun

Virtual Romance. (A Modern Morality Tale).
There was a young woman whose suitor,
Treated her just like his computer,
She let him log-on,But she told him; 'Begone!',
Whenever he tried to reboot her.

There was a young man from PurdueWho was only just learning to screw,
But he hadn't the knack,
And he got too far back
In the right church, but in the wrong pew.

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading By persons of breeding - It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

I once took our vicar to tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
His rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

ha ha

There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat

Best city in Australia?

Sydney named the best place to live in Australia? Let's look at this : You cannot afford a house there unless you are loaded or willing to go into debt for life. Are the restaurants better? (Melbourne has equal if not better selection and in general cheaper than Sydney) Public Transport? Probably the worst in Australia. Major Events , name one. Theatre ,Arts ,Sports are all better down south, Beaches and climate go to Brisbane, sure Melbourne gets cold but our weather is not as erratic as Sydney's. All in all i would rather live here than there. Just my opinion though.

IN a shameful day for Sydneysiders, Auckland has been declared a better place to live than our fair city.

Sydney's relatively good position in the Worldwide Quality of Living Survey is overshadowed by the much higher ranking of our trans-Tasman rivals.

The Kiwis' large town came in at fith place in the study, conducted by human resources consultancy firm Mercer, while Australia's best city got a mere ninth.

At least we were ahead of Melbourne at 17, Perth at 21, Adelaide at 30 and Brisbane at 32. Wellington was at 12.

What do you think of the results? Which is the best city? Could the judges have been taking mind-altering drugs? Join the debate at Leah Creighton's objective, non-biased Sydney Is Best Blog.

The Quality of Living Survey is based on an evaluation of 39 criteria contributing to the overall livability of each city.

Mercer practice leader Rob Knox said most cities in Australia and New Zealand had remained consistent with last year's rankings.

"Major Australian cities continue to rank favourably against other cities from around the world from a quality of living perspective," he said today.

"They all offer a great selection of restaurants, are well-endowed with recreational facilities, have well-established transport infrastructure and provide a wonderful environment in which to raise families.

"They tend to rate favourably because they offer residents and visitors the full package."

The worst city to live in is Baghdad, and the second-worst is Brazzaville in the Congo.

The survey took political, social, economic and environmental factors, personal safety and health, education, transport and other public services into account.

It covered 215 cities, with each compared to New York.

Data for the survey was collected between September and November last year.

Diva wins pantie tanty action

Opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa has won a lawsuit filed against her after she refused to perform with John Farnham.

In evidence in court Dame Kiri had expressed her outrage when she saw a DVD showing women's underwear being thrown on stage during one of Farnham's concerts.

Leading Edge Events sued the New Zealand-born soprano, her company, her former agent Nick Grace and his company for breach of contract, breach of contractual warranty equities and misleading conduct after she pulled out of a series of concerts with the pop singer in 2005.
.......................................... Needs to get over herself I think........................

Easy ride for pop retreads

Easy ride for pop retreads

* It's rush hour on the comeback trail for pop's big names of the 1970s and '80s, writes Polly Coufos
* March 17, 2007

WHEN the Police announced a world tour to coincide with the 30th anniversary of their founding, there was little doubt the band, fronted by Sting and as noted for its internal friction as its catalogue of reggae-influenced rock, was in line for a big payday.
Last month tickets went on sale for the band's first US stadium shows, which are so far running through to late September. Australian dates are expected but have not been confirmed. With tickets ranging from $US50 to $US225 ($63-$315), most shows were immediate sellouts and already there are estimates that the tour will bring in more than $US175 million. That's a lot of reasons to bury the hatchet.

They could take a leaf from the Eagles' book. The California country-rock hit-makers split in 1980 with such acrimony that lead singer Don Henley said the band would reform only when hell froze over. Hell didn't freeze but there was a definite thaw, as the winged ones have enjoyed a series of stupendously successful tours (their 2004 Australian tour was called Farewell I, having a bet each way).

Rebels of the sun

* The science of how global warming occurs has become crucial to our economy. So why are dissenting explanations of the sun's influence on our fate being pushed aside, asks environment writer Matthew Warren
* March 17, 2007

IT says a lot about the complexity of climate science that we can put a man on the moon but we still can't predict the weather beyond the next few days. The warming of the planet, and man's contribution to this phenomenon, has become the top scientific issue of this generation.
Science by its very nature is an argument. But apparently not this one any more. Yet a minority of scientists are still lining up to challenge the accepted wisdom with their claim that global warming is being principally driven by the sun, not by human activity.

The mainstream view is that an accumulation of greenhouse gases, mostly due to human activity, is trapping too much of the sun's heat within our atmosphere. But the rebels against this dominant view suggest massive variations in the sun's heat radiation are far more influential in warming than accumulating greenhouse gases.

shave it next time

Well here I am with my hair coloured to help raise money for leukemia. I hate have my photo taken even like this but its for a good cause.

Arsenic and old lace

Two women charged over poisoning

• 
  
• February 27, 2007

A 74-year-old woman and a 59-year-old woman have been charged over the fatal poisoning of an elderly man on Sydney's north shore.

The body of the 71-year-old man was found in the lounge room of a house in Cammeray on March 22 last year.

Toxicology results showed the presence of a barbiturate drug not available in Australia, police said.

A 74-year-old Lane Cove woman and a 59-year-old Cammeray woman were arrested today by detectives attached to Strike Force Kowandi, established to investigate the death.

Both were interviewed at North Sydney Police Station and charged with murder.

They were refused bail and will appear in Manly Local Court later today.

leukemia

This week I decide, should I shave my head or colour it to raise money for the leukemia foundation? When I say shave I will not have it shaved smooth but get a number one or two cut and the colour is out of a can. At the end of the day it's not about me getting a shave or colour, it’s about raising money. So lets see what the pros and cons are pro. Shave - no need to shampoo or buy shampoo saving money and water. Pro -no need to comb hair. Cons - if it cold my head gets cold or if it’s hot I cant go into the sun.
Colour pros - washes out after a few washes - get to keep what hair I have. Cons - stains the pillow, might burn the skin. Messy.

Owen and Luke Wilson

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Liam and Noel Gallagher

Natalie Imbruglia
Laura Imbruglia

Singing trio Barry, Robin and the late Maurice

Haylie and Hilary Duff

Ben Affleck little brother Casey

family ties

Sylvester and Frank Stallone

Ron Howard and brother Clint

Beyonce and sister, Solange Knowles

Sharon Stone and sister Kelly

Family ties

Patrick Swayze and brother Don

Family Ties

Jayne Mansfield and daughter Marsika Hargitay

Idiot

No. 2 idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.


No. 3 idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote this. “Put all your muny in this bag.”
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested minutes later as he was waiting in line at Bank of America.


No. 4 idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He mailed in his $40.


No. 5 idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran away with his loot. The cashier called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

what is it

sign of things to come!

Premier gets a wee taste of it

• 
  
• January 31, 2007

TO drink or not to drink. That is the multi-million-dollar question. For Steve Bracks, it has always been a firm: no way - it might be all right for Queenslanders but Victorians don't drink anything but the best, pure, unadulterated crystal-clear H20. And that's the way it's going to stay.

The Premier has gone out of his way to insist that the debate over drinking recycled sewage is not one that will be had in the southern capital for as long as he's running the place.

Nothing against the stuff, Mr Bracks says, we just don't need it in Victoria.

So imagine his well-hidden horror when morning radio bully Neil Mitchell unveiled a glass of the best in drinking water formerly known as effluent during a live interview yesterday.

"Yeah, look, I'm happy to taste it ... yeah, get a glass," Mr Bracks said to the 3AW host, who was armed with the "new water" brewed and bottled in Singapore.

Asked if he had a personal objection to drinking it, the no-fuss Premier was clear: "No, I don't. My position ... is we don't need it, it's not required, we have alternatives."

His argument comes down to water-hungry Victorian industry using more recycled water, not households. "Industry are big users of water. We can free up a large amount of water."

"OK," said Mitchell, glass in hand, "do you want a lot or a little?"

Mr Bracks: "I'll just taste it, that's all ... Yeah, I don't believe you can taste much difference, really, in water."

rome

">VOTE LAMB

lamb

">VOTE LAMB

Transferring the Pain

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child.
The doctor meets them and tells them that he has a new system that will allow the father to take part or all of the mothers labor pains.
They both agree and the delivery begins.
The doctor turns the dial to 10%, so that the father will take 10% of the mothers pain.
The husband says he feels fine, so the doctor puts it up a notch.
The husband still feels fine, so the doctor puts it up to 30%.
The husband still feels fine, so it goes up to 50%.
The husband tells the doctor to go ahead and put it up to 100%.
The husband still feels fine and the child is delivered and the wife felt virtually no pain at all.
They both go back home with their child, where they find the mailman dead on their steps!!!

It's all in the knack.

At the Construction Site The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

The Stick did it!
A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I had to smile.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself.
BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident" I laughed out loud. "Case Dismissed" said the Judge.

Do you have these

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.

new family addition lol

  

nearly 3 months